First Trip

The television personality, Monk, would say, “it is a blessing, and it is a curse” when he is asked about one of his natural talents. I find that expression true. My mother said it, ‘there is good and bad in everything’. One of the most beautiful things about being a twin is that I have always been with someone else. Other than the 6 minutes that I was born before my twin was born, I have experienced life with someone else.

Recently I was asked to remember my first trip away from home by myself. Others in the group shared their memory of their first day at school…their first field trip….their first day at college… It was hard for me to remember the first time I went somewhere alone. I entered my first day of kindergarten with my twin. I remember being very happy about that. Hand in hand we walked into that big new room. Each new school year, we went together. Eventually, the school administration put us into our own classes, but by then we had established friends and walked into class with them.

One of my early careers was a consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics. They met in Texas for their annual meetings. My twin was also a consultant. We flew together to the meeting. It was my first time to fly and I remember being very excited about the opportunity to fly. Again, I was experiencing something new, not alone, but with my twin.

I did move away from home after marriage. But I was not alone then, I was with my husband. But I remember going to the family house the night before leaving town and as we pulled the car out of the driveway, I cried and looked at my family whom I would miss dearly. I was excited about the new opportunity, but so sad to be leaving my twin and my family. But I wasn’t alone…

So, I didn’t really get to chime in with the conversation of the recollections of my first trip alone. I had to give it some thought. Over the years there has been time when I traveled by myself, or stayed at a conference by myself, but I always felt connected to someone. From the womb, I was connected to another. I went from sharing a bedroom with my twin, to sharing one with my husband.

I really wasn’t alone, until my 50th year of life. My husband and I divorced and for the first time in my life I found I was alone. I slept alone, and I was in the house alone. It was a unsettleing feeling. I went from angst to anticipation hourly.

I discovered that I was my own person. You see, as a twin, it is sometimes difficult to see yourself as an individual. You are so often linked together. You are so connected to another person, you can lose sight of  yourself.

I found peace with myself. I found I had strength to face what I needed to face. I realized that while I had companions to cheer me on as I went through my journey of life, I myself had to walk the journey. My companions – family and friends were still there cheering.  I just learned to let go of someones hand and walk by myself.

I still feel some uneasiness if I have to enter a room by myself. It is so much more fun to enter it with my twin, or someone I love. But I have learned that I can do it. I have also learned, that while it may seem like I am alone, I am never really alone. I have people who love me. People living now and those loved ones who have gone on. I am surrounded by their energy and their love for me. That creates a presense that comforts me and guides me.

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