“Leo and the Listener”

“The voices whisper. If you listen you can hear the past.”

“Leo is a runaway slave who dies in the cellar of the Frost home. He cannot move on until he tells the story. But no one is listening. He misses his beloved Sena and wants to return to her. He has to tell someone the secrets of the house so he can be freed. As the new owner tears down the old walls for restoration, the stories break out as the walls break open.”

While this is not a story about twins, it does mention the closeness of twins in my new novella eBook. It’s title is Leo and the Listener. It is available on Amazon for $3.99 and will download to your Kindle or to your iPAD. The story was inspired as we rehabbed our 200 year old home. The discoveries were fascinating!

Should you wish to purchase it and read it, please share with me your thoughts!

Advertisements

My other half

Being a twin is hard for another person, single born, to really embrace.  You feel complete when you are with your twin, and you are somehow not whole when you are apart.  Without my twin, I couldn’t get through my storms in life because when we are together, I am stronger.  I can face it.  What is around the corner isn’t so scary….

I have identical triplet grandboys and I feel a certain connection with them.  I know how they are connected and will be connected throughout their lives.  Sure, they argue and fight – they are 3 years old now – but when they stand – they stand touching each other.  When they “sit around” they flop over one another’s limbs and torsos – without feeling weird about it.  It’s just what it is.  There’s no physical boundary between them because they touched the entire time they were developing.  They know no different reality.  I know that no matter what is in front of them – or how much they “fight” over day to day things, I know that they will help each other through their lives….I believe they came into this life together just for that purpose – to help each other out with the lives that are in front of them.

That’s how I feel about my twin….we came here to earth together to help each other live the lives that we had in front of us.  We came to accomplish a purpose that we would need each other in order to complete.

Image

A Sad Curve in the Journey

I imagine my life to be like a journey. I will see things along the way, experience feelings along the way, and discover things along the way. The journey is meant for me.

In a way it is like runners who are provided a designated path to run on. The sides are perhaps roped off, or otherwise distinguished so that the non runners will be able to recognize where the runners will go. I don’t run mind you, but I have seen the televised races. Cheers from the crowd, liquid refreshments offered, anything the crowd can do to offer support to the runner. But she alone is running, they support.

The life journey is like that. I am the runner, well perhaps I should say the walker,  and those around me support me in a variety of ways.

On this twin journey, it feels different. I am the walker, there is the crowd, but my twin is right at my side. Somehow the officials have let her in the raceway. Sometimes we chat amiably and laugh at ourselves, sometimes we stop to explore the fascinating discovery we just found, occasionally we pause as we may experience some bewilderment on how to take the next step. But there is always that sense of an arm around me, a cloth to cool me, a tear to comfort me and a smile to encourage me.

Even with that close support, I know it is my journey. Or it is her journey. My twin is going through a sad time right now. I makes my heart sad, and I can feel her sorrow. But I cannot take the sorrow away. I can talk with her, cry with her, wrap my arms around her, and hold her up as she takes one more step along this sad curve, but I can’t change the designated path. It’s her turn. It has been my turn before.

I have been allowed to go along her path with her, but I had to agree to let it be her path-as she has mine. So while there are times we are sad, we do not feel entirely isolated. And we know that it is just a curve. The path will straighten out. We will get out of this dark forest and back into the sunshine meadow…we just have to keep stepping.

Thunderstorm

I wonder if i would like thunderstorms if I were not a twin. That is a funny thing…I do not know what it would be like to grow up as an individual. I do not have any memory of laying in bed at night, alone, and hearing a thunderstorm. Would I have been frightened? Would I have run to my parents room? I just do not know. I didn’t have that situation.

When the thunder would roll, I had Kaye beside me. We would listen together. We often got out of bed and went to the window to see the lightening. As we got older and the family moved into a two story, Kaye and I had a room with dormers. We continued to do the same thing. Each one of our twin beds was under the dormer window. We would open the window, see the rain, hear the thunder, and marvel at the lightening. We had each other to comment to…ohh…ahh…that was a big one!…it was like watching the fire works.

If it was during the day, we would go outside and sit on the patio under the eave of the garage. Our wonder was the same.

Recently we went to West Baden Resort and Spa for our birthday trip. It is a beautiful hotel with a huge dome over the bigger than life atrium. It was one of the 8th wonders of the world at the time to have such a suspended dome. We go to relax and write. This trip a marvelous thunderstorm come through. We were just finishing a nice lunch when we heard the rain on the dome. That was a sound to hear! We had to rush out to claim the big wooden rocking chairs on their surround porch. We were certain everyone in the hotel would be running outside to sit and watch the storm. When we got to the porch, we had our choice of chairs. One family with little children were there. I was delighted to see them. Those children might also grow up to love the storms and not be frightened.

We rocked in our chairs, sipped our wine, commented on the beauty of the leaves as they roll over with the wind, and thought how like life storms can be. All is going along fine, when a storm whips up. Storms don’t wait until you are ready for them. You might sense one coming and try to prepare, but when they hit, they seem to be in control. And like life, it is easier to weather a storm with a friend. Perhaps our storm watching days were preparation for the storms we would face in our lives. Thankfully, we learned to embrace them. Just like the leaves, we may have to give to the current storm a little, but like the roots we can stay grounded.

First Trip

The television personality, Monk, would say, “it is a blessing, and it is a curse” when he is asked about one of his natural talents. I find that expression true. My mother said it, ‘there is good and bad in everything’. One of the most beautiful things about being a twin is that I have always been with someone else. Other than the 6 minutes that I was born before my twin was born, I have experienced life with someone else.

Recently I was asked to remember my first trip away from home by myself. Others in the group shared their memory of their first day at school…their first field trip….their first day at college… It was hard for me to remember the first time I went somewhere alone. I entered my first day of kindergarten with my twin. I remember being very happy about that. Hand in hand we walked into that big new room. Each new school year, we went together. Eventually, the school administration put us into our own classes, but by then we had established friends and walked into class with them.

One of my early careers was a consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics. They met in Texas for their annual meetings. My twin was also a consultant. We flew together to the meeting. It was my first time to fly and I remember being very excited about the opportunity to fly. Again, I was experiencing something new, not alone, but with my twin.

I did move away from home after marriage. But I was not alone then, I was with my husband. But I remember going to the family house the night before leaving town and as we pulled the car out of the driveway, I cried and looked at my family whom I would miss dearly. I was excited about the new opportunity, but so sad to be leaving my twin and my family. But I wasn’t alone…

So, I didn’t really get to chime in with the conversation of the recollections of my first trip alone. I had to give it some thought. Over the years there has been time when I traveled by myself, or stayed at a conference by myself, but I always felt connected to someone. From the womb, I was connected to another. I went from sharing a bedroom with my twin, to sharing one with my husband.

I really wasn’t alone, until my 50th year of life. My husband and I divorced and for the first time in my life I found I was alone. I slept alone, and I was in the house alone. It was a unsettleing feeling. I went from angst to anticipation hourly.

I discovered that I was my own person. You see, as a twin, it is sometimes difficult to see yourself as an individual. You are so often linked together. You are so connected to another person, you can lose sight of  yourself.

I found peace with myself. I found I had strength to face what I needed to face. I realized that while I had companions to cheer me on as I went through my journey of life, I myself had to walk the journey. My companions – family and friends were still there cheering.  I just learned to let go of someones hand and walk by myself.

I still feel some uneasiness if I have to enter a room by myself. It is so much more fun to enter it with my twin, or someone I love. But I have learned that I can do it. I have also learned, that while it may seem like I am alone, I am never really alone. I have people who love me. People living now and those loved ones who have gone on. I am surrounded by their energy and their love for me. That creates a presense that comforts me and guides me.

Reflections

One might think that being an identical twin would mean having identical memories. Yet…we often remember things somewhat differently. That begs the question….what creates memories? The facts? Or our feelings about the facts? Maybe some of both. This will be a memoir blog. Stories…as I remember them..of growing up a twin.

John Lennon

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”

Previous Older Entries